Welcome to stories of my life since 2011. My only regret is that I didn’t start writing early enough. Well, bygone? Yes. Ride along.
Growing up I was academically gifted as most of you like to describe it. Since class one (I it’s now grade one) I always emerged first position whatever school I went to. Yaas. Nilikuwa Yule msee . (I was that guy). I would take all the badges, an insignia of over achievement. My parents would not even come for academic clinics because there was nothing to discuss. I mean, I was killing it on all sides.
This one time, I decided to break the monotony; I was used to receiving trophies for my academic achievements but I felt I wanted something different. The only club I could relate to was Drama club. I never felt so alive before. So elated, so enthusiastic, so proud of myself. I remember this poem we were practicing, it was during the Ocampo six period (millennials and above you can remember) one of the lines went like:
‘Naiona kwa mbali, ndege yaja kutuchukua’
These words were referring to how freaked out the Ocampo six were of facing the ICC. I really can’t recall the rest of it. It was awesome though, our trainer was Mr. Edwin; tall,light skinned man. At one point we lived in the same building. He was stinking rich. I’m sure it’s not from the peanuts he was getting as a teacher. I know not what else he used to do for a living.
Two weeks later we sat an exam and for the first time in my existence I emerged position two. My whole life came to a halt; heads up, there was only a difference of three points between me and position one. That day I did not appear for drama practice. How could I? Academics were the only place I found my identity. My sole chateau. If that was taken away from me, I was done for, I was a goner, kaputsky (insert Dwayne Johnson voice)Drama did that; it took away my very existence. So it had to go.
I must say things changed in high school when I realized I wasn’t doing so well. High school was hell for me (story for another day). Once in high school I thought to myself, why am I holding back from what I like just to try and better my grades, and it’s not like my efforts were working by the way. So you know what? Screw school work. I joined Drama Festivals. That was in form three. Best time of my life.
You know what my biggest regret is right now? That I didn’t join drama and music festivals early enough. It’s not till very late that I discovered my artistic abilities were stronger than my academic ones. Sad, right? I’m working on it now though. Better late than never. I’m a writer now, and I perform martial arts while learning Chinese at the same time. I hope all goes well for me.
We are all trying. Whether you were ‘academically talented’ as I was, or you were the star, the antisocial kind, we all have our struggles. My classmates in primary school would have thought I had it all figured out but I know that everyday I struggled to maintain my status. How has that affected my life today you ask. Well, fear of failure. Anytime I don’t achieve what I set I often punish myself for it ; panic attacks and the likes. I’m still on a journey to overcome that and you know what, queen sera sera. What will be will be.